


I'm your best friend?

by LilisBooks



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Communication is a kink, Crowley is in love, First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Longing, M/M, Not sure if theirs or mine, Oblivious Aziraphale, Pining Idiots, Poor Life Choices, Regret, They need to use their words
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-02
Updated: 2019-07-02
Packaged: 2020-06-02 20:40:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19449148
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LilisBooks/pseuds/LilisBooks
Summary: The end of the world had been avoided, but Aziraphale couldn't stop thinking about Crowley's loss and pain.aka Aziraphale doesn't know Crowley was breaking down at the idea of having lost him in ep 5.





	I'm your best friend?

**Author's Note:**

> I know Aziraphale knows that he is important to Crowley, but I wrote this based on the prompt that in episode 5 Aziraphale doesn't realise he is Crowley's best friend.
> 
> This is a pile of angst with comfort and love at the end.

The Apocalipsis had been averted and Crowley and Aziraphale were alone for the first time in probably 6,000 years. They were currently at Aziraphale’s bookshop, getting drunk like they always did, but with the added bonus that they now had the rest of their lives in front of them to enjoy each other’s company. 

Crowley was sprawled across the sofa, with a glass in hand, rambling about what he wished to do to Gabriel if he ever had the chance, making Aziraphale chuckle in return. His dear Crowley was endearing when drunk.

However, not everything was laughs and jokes, as there was a nagging feeling in his head ever since his discorporation, a thought that never stayed away long enough for Aziraphale to forget about it and move on.

He knew it was a possibility and he knew how much it would hurt. He just didn’t think it would ever be a tangible reality.

“Will you tell me about them?” he asked as casually as he could moments after Crowley had ended his long description of Gabriel’s torture.

“Them?” the demon asked looking puzzled at Aziraphale, his drunken state quite obvious in his demeanour. Aziraphale was slowly sobering himself up, as to not startle his companion or scare him away.

“Your best friend.”

“Angel, what are you talking about?” Crowley asked as he pushed himself forward and managed to sit in a more… sober position. He put his cup down and took his glasses off, making Aziraphale able to look into those serpent eyes he loved too much.

“The reason why you didn’t go to Alpha Centauri, their... death.”

With each word he spoke, he felt his heart broke a little in the process. 

“You…”

“I always knew you had other… acquaintances,” he says as he starts fidgeting with the hem of his sleeve, breaking eye contact with Crowley and feeling his eyes swell up, “and I wish to know about them if that’s okay with you.”

Crowley said nothing, just stared blankly at Aziraphale, gaping at him like he had grown a second head, which in return made the angel feel anxious and self-conscious. He wanted to know the answer, at the same time he didn’t, yet it seemed like Crowley wasn’t ready to share that piece of information with him, precious as it was.

“It’s okay if you don’t wanna talk about it,” he added in a hurry as he stood up and started gathering the wine glasses that were everywhere in the bookshop. “Silly me, there must be a reason why you never said a thing.”

He miracled the bottles and glasses away and stared at Crowley with a pang in his heart.

The demon hadn’t moved a muscle since Aziraphale asked him about his friend, probably remembering them and all the times they were together. Something inside his chest shattered at the thought and he forced himself to look away.

He glanced at the clock and found the perfect excuse to get away.

“My dear boy,” he said, feeling the words like daggers inside his throat, “it’s getting late and I just remembered I have a client coming here for a rare book.”

“Angel…” Crowley uttered for the first time, making Aziraphale’s insides squirm. What was once a term of endearment, now was a reminder that Crowley didn’t mean it like that anymore. 

He had someone and lost them. **They** were his angel, not Aziraphale. Not anymore.

“I know, I know,” he said in nervousness, looking around and fixing the mess that was his home with the same impetus he’d put if he was able to fix his heart. “I don’t like giving books away, but considering Heaven is not likely to fund me anymore, well… I must start somewhere.”

“Aziraphale, please…” Crowley said after the angel had pushed him towards the door, fidgeting with the car keys Aziraphale had put in his hands in his frenesí.

And that, that was the drop that filled the glass and shattered Aziraphale from the inside. Crowley never begged, only on life-threatening situations like when he had asked Aziraphale, and most likely this nameless person, to run away with him.

Aziraphale probably hadn’t even been his first choice when the proposition was thought.

“I will see you another day, Crowley,” he said as he opened the door and stepped aside to let Crowley go through. “Rest, dear boy, you need to sober up.”

He knew just by looking at him that Crowley wasn’t drunk anymore, which made easier for him to close the door on his face. He felt like he hadn’t felt in a long time, not since that night at Soho when he gave Crowley the holy water, saying that infamous “you go too fast for me, Crowley.”

He had felt his heart break at the same time as Crowley’s, but before he could say something else or take it back and fall, he left the car and went home, where he had cried himself like he hadn’t before. Never in 6,000 years had he cried like he did that night, letting himself be pulled into slumber, trying to forget the pain and ache inside of him that threatened to tear him apart.

Because it wasn’t a phrase uttered out of rejection, with no love on its pronunciation. It was a phrase said out of longing, the regret of not being ready to be with the person you love, possibly never able to fully embrace your feelings and let them be free. Is a phrase announced with the most palpable pain, one when you know will make you break more than one heart out of fear, but unable to stop yourself or spare anyone else.

Is said with the knowing feeling that once those words leave your lips, there’s a possibility the person you love will walk away and find someone else, someone ready and able to be with them.

And now Aziraphale knew Crowley had found that person in the last 40 years and lost that person, breaking him enough to stop him from running away and forcing him to help Aziraphale “stop” the Apocalipsis.

(He wasn’t a fool, he knew he hadn’t played that much of a part in stopping the end of the world) 

He knew he was important to Crowley, especially now that he had lost his most important… were they a person? Or could they be an angel, like Aziraphale, or a demon like Crowley himself? The possibility of them being an angel was too much for Aziraphale to handle, so he needed to find comfort in the thought of them being a human or a demon.

They would’ve understood Crowley’s unique sense of humour, which often caused people to look at them funny if they were upon hearing distance. They would’ve laughed at his jokes, which would’ve put the softest smile on his friend’s face, a smile he treasured like his most precious possession. 

They needed to be someone who appreciated Crowley for who he was, not what anyone else thought of him. He wasn’t only a demon or a fallen angel in disgrace. He was petty, he made mistakes, he had a bad temper… but he also had the purest heart Aziraphale had ever seen. He cared so much, he would deny it to his dying days as he didn’t like to think of himself like that, still ashamed of his fall.

But Crowley was so much better than any angel Aziraphale had ever interacted with. He tried to help people, after causing the mess himself he’ll give you that, and he usually did those things while complaining the whole time, but he did them and he cared about the people he was surrounded with.

They must’ve been someone who appreciated how lucky they were to have Crowley’s love, unconditional and boundless, as it was something that didn’t happen often in the time Azirpahale had been on Earth. Only Crowley could love like that.

And Aziraphale had been too coward to take a chance and embrace his love.

Too preoccupied with his thoughts, he failed to notice Crowley entering the bookshop through the back, with slow and measured steps. He only noticed when the man was behind him, with enough distance for Aziraphale to turn and lock eyes with the love of his life.

“Angel,” Crowley said with his softest voice as he once again took his glasses off, “you got it all wrong.”

“Crow…” Aziraphale began saying before Crowley put a finger on his lips, silencing him.

“It’s my time to talk.”

Crowley took a step back and lead Aziraphale and himself to the couch, never breaking eye contact with the angel, who had no idea what was going on but didn’t dare to break the only point of contact between them.

Once they were sitting on the couch, Crowley took Aziraphale’s hands between his and began to talk.

“Angel, there’s no one I’ve ever loved more than you in the 6,000 years we’ve been friends,” Crowley said before placing a small kiss on Aziraphale’s knuckles, “you’re the first person I think of when I’ve done something and want to share it with.”

He leaned closer on his couch, making their knees touch each other.

“You’re the one I worry the most when I know you can be in danger, breaking every existing protocol to assure your safety. I’ve put myself in danger more times than I can count trying to be there for you. But none of that matters when you are concerned, angel.”

Aziraphale tried to say something, but once again was softly silenced by Crowley, making him look away with a blush.

“I’d do it all over again, another 6,000 years if it means I get to spend them with you,” Crowley said as he lifted Aziraphale’s chin with a finger, interlocking their gazes once more. “You are my best friend, Aziraphale, and the thought of losing you made me lose myself as well.”

And well, Aziraphale could be many things, but someone who wasted a second opportunity when it landed on their laps wasn’t one of them (in his mind), so he closed the distance between himself and Crowley and locked lips with his soulmate.

“I love you too, my dear,” he said as he finally understood what Crowley meant when he said he was his best friend, looking into each other’s eyes, letting the rest of the world fade away.

They had the rest of their lives ahead of them, and they were gonna make the best of them… together till the end of time.

_The end._

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry if it's a little OOC, I'm still trying to figure out how to write Aziraphale.
> 
> Hope you liked it!


End file.
